So,
I've fallen severely behind on my blogging.
A mini recap of life since I last blogged would go something like this,
I met someone who has slowly wormed his way into being one of the most life changing people I'll ever meet.
I restarted a bad habit.
I fell in love in many ways.
Avalon had yet another brain surgery.
I witnessed history be made.
I dropped the bad habit again.
My "big sister" was diagnosed with bone cancer. For the third time.
I made big decisions. Alone.
I found myself.
Yeah, its been kinda crazy.
I don't really have time to write more right now. But I promise, I will start blogging more.
<3
Rora
Monday, March 1, 2010
Friday, December 4, 2009
Well so here goes. I'm going to spill my guts and be a total girly girl.
Mat and I had our first real date last night. I can't even begin to tell you how much fun I had.
We were supposed to go to Wildlights, at the Columbus Zoo, at like 6, but he had to push back the time because of his paper route. We ended up meeting at like 8:30. The zoo closed at 9, so we just choose one part of the zoo to wander. North America to be exact.
We talked and meandered, and made fun of random little flaws of the zoo and people.
I was kind of nervous, so I told him I was, because I figured it was a good thing to be an honest person (snicker and snort), and that if I got it off my chest it'd be easier. It was.
We ended up finding a little bench in North America, overlooking most of the zoo, and all the lights. We could even see and hear the main light show. I've worked at the zoo 2 summers, and I didn't know that bench or place existed. Go figure. We just sat and talked, and enjoyed the view. It was freezing, but I've never felt that warm in my life.
After not too long we realized it was 5 mins after close, so we headed back towards the entrance, even closer than we were when we came in.
He drove me home.
Yeah, you read that right, my parents actually condoned me getting in another teenager's car, a guy's car.
It surprised me too.
From my house to the zoo is the easiest drive ever, so I just told him where and when to turn. We chatted even more. Eventually we got to my house. The nerves started up again.
I forgot to mention what had happened before we even met up.
Dad brought home a surprise.
In the form of a borrowed shotgun.
Yes, A friggin shotgun.
I wish I was kidding.
I'm not.
He threatened to use it if Mat got handsy, or if he got bad vibes from him.
Oh and he threatened to welcome us home by opening the door with it. Thank god for Mom, she kiboshed that.
However, I didn't know if he was going to open the door with it or not, because I didn't know she'd reigned him in.
I had warned Mat about Dad, and the rest of my family, but failed to mention Prince.
I've lost my house key somewhere in my room, so we ring the doorbell, and Prince come caterwauling to the door, and slams into it. I giggled and said, “oh yeah, We have a 100+ pound white lab named Prince. He sounds like a killer but he's a real sweetheart.”
After some grunting, thumping and swearing mom opened the door with one hand on the dog. She proceeded to introduce everyone quickly, then turn back to decorating. (My house is in full Christmas set up mode)
We sat down and mom and dad where asking Mat random questions while they were decorating.
Not too long after we were there, Anam decided he needed to sit between Mat and I. Not on either of our laps, but between us. And he got peeved that we kept holding hands next to him.
When one kid comes, the other 2 follow. We ended up with Ambrosia on my lap, Anam between us, and Avalon on Mat's lap. I give him credit, for being a teen guy thats never really been exposed to kids, he handled my family exceptionally well.
We'd gotten home around 9:30, and by 10 the rents and munchkins headed to bed. I figured mom's rule for Chris applied for Mat too, and he could stay till 11, and mom didn't say anything so I decided to kick him out at 11.
It was funny, like the second all family was out of the room, Mat changed how he was sitting and pulled me closer. He likes to cuddle, and be close, I love that. We got comfy and spent the next hour flipping back and forth between a football game and a show we both liked, and talking. I showed him some pictures I had on my school computer, and how my school worked, because he was interested.
At 11, I ended up having to kick him out, but then he realized he didn't really know how to get home from here. Dad came down and gave him directions on how to get back to a road he knew. Pretty simple, or so he said. Before he left we talked about hanging out again. He wants to come over all the time. Everyone is ok with that, especially me, but that means I have to be presentable and pretty more often!
I'm a little bummed though, on the 15th he leaves for Brazil. For a month. I cross my fingers and hope being apart for a month won't be a problem for him. I don't care, so as long as he doesn't, we are good.
He's got a tennis tournament this weekend, that I want to go to, but I can't because of Christmas parties on Sunday, and babysitting sibs on Saturday. He might come over after the tournament on saturday though.
I've got butterflies because for once, I actually trust a guy. After everything that's happened, being cheated on, rejected, lied to, hurt and broken, I finally found a guy that's trustworthy. I just can't even tell you how much I want this to last.
Ok. I'm done being a girly spaz. :)
XOXOX
Aurora
Mat and I had our first real date last night. I can't even begin to tell you how much fun I had.
We were supposed to go to Wildlights, at the Columbus Zoo, at like 6, but he had to push back the time because of his paper route. We ended up meeting at like 8:30. The zoo closed at 9, so we just choose one part of the zoo to wander. North America to be exact.
We talked and meandered, and made fun of random little flaws of the zoo and people.
I was kind of nervous, so I told him I was, because I figured it was a good thing to be an honest person (snicker and snort), and that if I got it off my chest it'd be easier. It was.
We ended up finding a little bench in North America, overlooking most of the zoo, and all the lights. We could even see and hear the main light show. I've worked at the zoo 2 summers, and I didn't know that bench or place existed. Go figure. We just sat and talked, and enjoyed the view. It was freezing, but I've never felt that warm in my life.
After not too long we realized it was 5 mins after close, so we headed back towards the entrance, even closer than we were when we came in.
He drove me home.
Yeah, you read that right, my parents actually condoned me getting in another teenager's car, a guy's car.
It surprised me too.
From my house to the zoo is the easiest drive ever, so I just told him where and when to turn. We chatted even more. Eventually we got to my house. The nerves started up again.
I forgot to mention what had happened before we even met up.
Dad brought home a surprise.
In the form of a borrowed shotgun.
Yes, A friggin shotgun.
I wish I was kidding.
I'm not.
He threatened to use it if Mat got handsy, or if he got bad vibes from him.
Oh and he threatened to welcome us home by opening the door with it. Thank god for Mom, she kiboshed that.
However, I didn't know if he was going to open the door with it or not, because I didn't know she'd reigned him in.
I had warned Mat about Dad, and the rest of my family, but failed to mention Prince.
I've lost my house key somewhere in my room, so we ring the doorbell, and Prince come caterwauling to the door, and slams into it. I giggled and said, “oh yeah, We have a 100+ pound white lab named Prince. He sounds like a killer but he's a real sweetheart.”
After some grunting, thumping and swearing mom opened the door with one hand on the dog. She proceeded to introduce everyone quickly, then turn back to decorating. (My house is in full Christmas set up mode)
We sat down and mom and dad where asking Mat random questions while they were decorating.
Not too long after we were there, Anam decided he needed to sit between Mat and I. Not on either of our laps, but between us. And he got peeved that we kept holding hands next to him.
When one kid comes, the other 2 follow. We ended up with Ambrosia on my lap, Anam between us, and Avalon on Mat's lap. I give him credit, for being a teen guy thats never really been exposed to kids, he handled my family exceptionally well.
We'd gotten home around 9:30, and by 10 the rents and munchkins headed to bed. I figured mom's rule for Chris applied for Mat too, and he could stay till 11, and mom didn't say anything so I decided to kick him out at 11.
It was funny, like the second all family was out of the room, Mat changed how he was sitting and pulled me closer. He likes to cuddle, and be close, I love that. We got comfy and spent the next hour flipping back and forth between a football game and a show we both liked, and talking. I showed him some pictures I had on my school computer, and how my school worked, because he was interested.
At 11, I ended up having to kick him out, but then he realized he didn't really know how to get home from here. Dad came down and gave him directions on how to get back to a road he knew. Pretty simple, or so he said. Before he left we talked about hanging out again. He wants to come over all the time. Everyone is ok with that, especially me, but that means I have to be presentable and pretty more often!
I'm a little bummed though, on the 15th he leaves for Brazil. For a month. I cross my fingers and hope being apart for a month won't be a problem for him. I don't care, so as long as he doesn't, we are good.
He's got a tennis tournament this weekend, that I want to go to, but I can't because of Christmas parties on Sunday, and babysitting sibs on Saturday. He might come over after the tournament on saturday though.
I've got butterflies because for once, I actually trust a guy. After everything that's happened, being cheated on, rejected, lied to, hurt and broken, I finally found a guy that's trustworthy. I just can't even tell you how much I want this to last.
Ok. I'm done being a girly spaz. :)
XOXOX
Aurora
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I tried. I failed. I
I tried.
I failed.
I tried again.
I failed.
I almost lost it all.
I gave up.
Why can't I move on?
I failed.
I tried again.
I failed.
I almost lost it all.
I gave up.
Why can't I move on?
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Moving On
Alot of things have happened recently.
Most of all, I've changed.
I'm tired of not being good enough for anyone.
I'm changing that.
I WILL lose weight.
I HAVE stopped the bad habit.
I WILL move on.
I will make myself likable.
I don't want sympathy. I don't need sympathy.
I need distractions. From food, from life, from stress, from everything.
I need people to listen when I need to vent, and not judge me. I need people to just hug me and move on.
I'm not a charity case.
Even if I act like one sometimes.
please don't treat me as such.
Most of all, I've changed.
I'm tired of not being good enough for anyone.
I'm changing that.
I WILL lose weight.
I HAVE stopped the bad habit.
I WILL move on.
I will make myself likable.
I don't want sympathy. I don't need sympathy.
I need distractions. From food, from life, from stress, from everything.
I need people to listen when I need to vent, and not judge me. I need people to just hug me and move on.
I'm not a charity case.
Even if I act like one sometimes.
please don't treat me as such.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Surgeries, responsibilities and Birthday Stuffs
This month has been bonkers.
Well as most of you know, Avalon, my youngest sister has to have atleast 2 more brain surgeries, before Christmas.
Avalon had an Lumbar Puncture on Tuesday the 13th of October. This caused a leak in her spinal column, making her central spinal fluid pressure go way too low, instead of being too high. We did not figure this out until Tuesday night, after she came home. Avalon had to go back to the hospital Thursday the 15th for more tests, to determine what surgeries she will need, and when. The whole time she was at the hospital she felt very bad, and had breathing problems while in with her neurosurgeon, Dr.Kosnik.
She came home midday Thursday, and by 7 p.m. that same day, she was heading back to the hospital to be admitted. She was having chest pains, and severe headaches do to extreme low pressure instead of extreme high pressure for once.
She just came home last night, Thursday the 23rd.
She goes in to the hospital for a PIC line on Wednesday the 28th. A PIC line is a cather placed in her upper arm that runs almost straight into her heart. This is needed because all but 1 of her possible spots to have a vein IV were blown. She has to have atleast 2 possible places to have an IV to be able to have the first surgery.
Dr.Kosnik promised Avalon she would be allowed to trick or treat at least once. She will trick or treat on Thursday the 29th, then probably have the first temperal decompression on Friday the 30th. Either she will have it on the 30th, of on Wednesday the 4th, it depends on one of Kosnik's other patients, and his surgery.
Hopefully that cleared up any kind of confusion I've caused lately.
Ok so on to Responsibilities.
While mom has been in the hospital with avalon recently, I've had alot more responsibilities. I don't hate being more responsible, but it is weird. I feel older. I'm not sure how to take it.
Last but not least, Birthday stuffs.
I turn 15 on november 2nd. I'm very excited but in a way, terrified. Time is flying too quick. I feel like I should be turning 14 instead of 15. I start driving in just over a year. That's scary.
Ok so I'm done now.
hopefully I'll be blogging more often, I don't know.
-Aurora
Well as most of you know, Avalon, my youngest sister has to have atleast 2 more brain surgeries, before Christmas.
Avalon had an Lumbar Puncture on Tuesday the 13th of October. This caused a leak in her spinal column, making her central spinal fluid pressure go way too low, instead of being too high. We did not figure this out until Tuesday night, after she came home. Avalon had to go back to the hospital Thursday the 15th for more tests, to determine what surgeries she will need, and when. The whole time she was at the hospital she felt very bad, and had breathing problems while in with her neurosurgeon, Dr.Kosnik.
She came home midday Thursday, and by 7 p.m. that same day, she was heading back to the hospital to be admitted. She was having chest pains, and severe headaches do to extreme low pressure instead of extreme high pressure for once.
She just came home last night, Thursday the 23rd.
She goes in to the hospital for a PIC line on Wednesday the 28th. A PIC line is a cather placed in her upper arm that runs almost straight into her heart. This is needed because all but 1 of her possible spots to have a vein IV were blown. She has to have atleast 2 possible places to have an IV to be able to have the first surgery.
Dr.Kosnik promised Avalon she would be allowed to trick or treat at least once. She will trick or treat on Thursday the 29th, then probably have the first temperal decompression on Friday the 30th. Either she will have it on the 30th, of on Wednesday the 4th, it depends on one of Kosnik's other patients, and his surgery.
Hopefully that cleared up any kind of confusion I've caused lately.
Ok so on to Responsibilities.
While mom has been in the hospital with avalon recently, I've had alot more responsibilities. I don't hate being more responsible, but it is weird. I feel older. I'm not sure how to take it.
Last but not least, Birthday stuffs.
I turn 15 on november 2nd. I'm very excited but in a way, terrified. Time is flying too quick. I feel like I should be turning 14 instead of 15. I start driving in just over a year. That's scary.
Ok so I'm done now.
hopefully I'll be blogging more often, I don't know.
-Aurora
Saturday, October 17, 2009
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Saturday, October 10, 2009
I'm terribly sorry.
I know I'm the only one that ever reads this damn thing, but I'm still sorry to my invisible followers that I haven't posted in so long. Life has been busy, my computer died and I just haven't had the patience to write anything lately.
So I'm now officially going to go into a rant of epic porportions.
I'm so done with the mind games of boys. I'm in love with a guy I've know for almost 2 years. I told him I liked him, and he tells me it's not mutual. I request we carry on like the whole thing never happened, because I don't want to lose him as a friend. He still flirts a bit. He asked if I'm ok.
No.
No, I'm not ok.
At all.
But what can I do? I don't want to lose him. But pretending sucks.
As for John, the kiss and run boy. I hate mind games. Kissing someone twice in the space of a week and a half, then saying we live too far apart to go out is complete and total bullshit. I mean really. He makes me into a dime store whore then goes back on his word. What the hell?
As for my friend's brother....I really like him, I flirt all the time. He flirts back. Yet somehow I am so far into the friend zone it's insane. I don't understand how I got there though....
Boy rant over.
Ok so the Zooaide program is mainly over for the summer. I was accepted as a regionaide for next summer! However.....I was accepted into the Australian Islands region. BLECH!! It was my last choice! I don't understand how I got it. Whatever, I'll deal with the lorikeets. Training is next March, and I need to submit a TB test soon.
The zooaides this year were amazing. Some of the first years were really cool! Olivia and Erik to be exact. Luuuuv them!
Sadly, my computer time has just ended, I shall be back to post more soon though!
Your almost 15 year old friend on the brink of clinical insanity.
-Aurora,
So I'm now officially going to go into a rant of epic porportions.
I'm so done with the mind games of boys. I'm in love with a guy I've know for almost 2 years. I told him I liked him, and he tells me it's not mutual. I request we carry on like the whole thing never happened, because I don't want to lose him as a friend. He still flirts a bit. He asked if I'm ok.
No.
No, I'm not ok.
At all.
But what can I do? I don't want to lose him. But pretending sucks.
As for John, the kiss and run boy. I hate mind games. Kissing someone twice in the space of a week and a half, then saying we live too far apart to go out is complete and total bullshit. I mean really. He makes me into a dime store whore then goes back on his word. What the hell?
As for my friend's brother....I really like him, I flirt all the time. He flirts back. Yet somehow I am so far into the friend zone it's insane. I don't understand how I got there though....
Boy rant over.
Ok so the Zooaide program is mainly over for the summer. I was accepted as a regionaide for next summer! However.....I was accepted into the Australian Islands region. BLECH!! It was my last choice! I don't understand how I got it. Whatever, I'll deal with the lorikeets. Training is next March, and I need to submit a TB test soon.
The zooaides this year were amazing. Some of the first years were really cool! Olivia and Erik to be exact. Luuuuv them!
Sadly, my computer time has just ended, I shall be back to post more soon though!
Your almost 15 year old friend on the brink of clinical insanity.
-Aurora,
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